Pregnancy week 19.
The baby is a size of a mango (and my brain is squashed banana smoothie.) Last week has been one long mental roller coaster ride. I thought it would be easier. At least I thought I was prepared getting bigger and ready to say no to performing. Well, it seems, it's not easy... Not for me. Honestly it's really really hard.
I've tried to keep myself fit during these years. Physically it's easier to do the shows and,well, standing in front of an audience wearing only shorts and small top feels more comfortable when the core is tight. So, I've pumped this image in my head (and in my core) during these years and now it's just not as easy to let go as I thought. I just have to try to suck it up and find my inner zen. The baby is now the number one... And when the little one kicks, I instantly feel better.
Saying no has always been hard for me, especially when it comes to performing. Doing shows is not just about getting my income, it's my passion. The way I see and define myself. I was suppose start my maternity leave in the end of may. Now it seems, I should step aside in the end of April. It's just so hard to say no to shows I've waited for so long to happen. Where is my inner zen? Oooommm... error, dysfunction....
Well, I try to enjoy these shows I still have ahead of me and then embrace the maternity leave...
Oh, since I'm in the middle of pregnancy, I took few rehearsal video clips for comparison. The other one is recorded in October (before pregnancy) and the other one is recorded yesterday (4,5 months pregnant).
Just before pregnancy
19 weeks pregnant (4,5 months)